On the world’s most hateable game…

Last week at this time I was at the outlet mall in an attempt to find some shoes to fit my grotesquely wide feet comfortably (I failed) and enjoy a pretty nice day outside. But thanks to the absolute miracle of technology, I was also watching a soccer game taking place 7000 miles away, essentially right where Italy’s boot is kicking Sicily’s ass if we follow that time-tested analogy. On my phone. I don’t know what deal with Satan we had to make to accomplish things like this, but if Faust had gotten this kind of deal perhaps he wouldn’t have needed the Eternal Feminine and could have just lived a tasteful bachelor lifestyle (although this “miracle” also brought us the 24-hour news cycle and people’s annoying Facebook updates, so perhaps I need to think this through a bit more).