Another round of applications out from me, the beginning of another round of rejection letters in to me. I used to keep track of what I applied for, if there even was a response, and, if there was one, what it was. I don’t do that anymore, but perhaps I should consider reinstating it for the hell of it. My greatest regret is not saving all these letters so that I could create a papier-mache effigy of myself, call it “Rejected!” and possibly get it showcased in an art museum…although if I were to approach someone about displaying my work, I would more than likely get a rejection letter. I’ll leave some space on the back to add on.
Unfortunately, conducting has turned into Heath Ledger to my Jake Gyllenhaal…I wish I could quit it. It’s simply far too compelling to me on a personal level. I don’t have the experience, I’m not good enough, I don’t have the money to be able to attend various workshops and conferences, I’ve only been in KC for about 9 months, so I don’t know enough people to try and start my own small group just yet…the list goes on. Excuses, excuses, and I don’t especially buy into any of them myself, but sometimes when I just sit back and look at them, it makes so much more sense to try and get into retail management or janitorial work.
This particular one stung more than normal because I actually felt somewhat decent about my chances to get a shot. I had worked with the ensemble in the past and knew some members of the search committee, and tried to convey my love for my time with the group as best I could in my materials. Unfortunately for me (terrific for them, though), they had an enormous amount of applications for the position by people far more qualified than I, and I didn’t make it much further than the trash can (and rightly so when I heard about some of the candidates…I’m happy for the group that they have such a good pool to choose from).
I have some other applications out there awaiting a response or lack thereof, but I already know how those are going to go, so I’m basically just looking forward to getting a piece of mail with my name on it, which can be fun.
Just thought it would be fun to share this wonderful part of my world!