If the final apocalyptic battle between good and evil is not fought with musical accompaniment provided by Bruckner Symphony no. 9, my entire belief system will unravel to the point of complete disintegration

 

Anton Bruckner

Whose side are you on?!

There is a lot of evocative music scattered throughout musical history.  Some of it is deliberately evocative, like Strauss’ tone poems.  A lot of it is not deliberately evocative, but conjures up images that may not be in line with the composers intentions.  It’s hard to listen to the Barber Adagio for Strings now without seeing it, at least in part, the way Oliver Stone did.

So it is with Bruckner’s Ninth Symphony.  

Take the strongest and most visceral music you know.  Extract the strength and visceral-ishness of the music and place it in a beaker.  Construct a medieval trebuchet.  Place a 6-ton boulder covered in pure gasoline in the sling.  Add the solution in the beaker.  Carefully line the bottom of the sling with plastic explosives.  Ignite the charges and fire the now raging 6-ton inferno directly at your own face.

This is Bruckner’s Ninth Symphony.  So bad ass it doesn’t even need to be finished.

It is dedicated to God, so the precedent for my visions of Armageddon are at least in the ballpark.  If there is a piece of music out there with more gravity and earth-shattering power, I don’t know it.  It would be the perfect music to engage in the Battle for Mankind.

So perfect, in fact, that I am making a Faustian bargain right here.  Let the record show, on this the Sixth Day of October in the Year Two Thousand and Ten, that I am placing my allegiance in the final war between God’s Heavenly Armies and Satan’s Minions with whichever side uses Bruckner’s Ninth Symphony to spur us on to the fight.  It’s that serious.

Watch this excerpt of Gunter Wand conducting and tell me you’re not ready to fight some angels or demons depending on whose musical taste is superior between God the Father and the Son of the Morning!  RAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!111

You would assume that as the dedicatee, God would have this one all queued up.  But isn’t there the possibility that he might look towards something a little more “you guys are my chosen people” and maybe get some really kick-ass cantorial shit going?  Dammit, that would be hard to pass up, but Bruckner 9!

Your move, some of the most important stuff in the Bible.

 

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4 thoughts on “If the final apocalyptic battle between good and evil is not fought with musical accompaniment provided by Bruckner Symphony no. 9, my entire belief system will unravel to the point of complete disintegration

  1. Whose side am I on ?

    Easy… I’m on Debussy’s side.

    There is no piece more evocative than ‘Prelude To The Afternoon Of A Faun’

    And I don’t want to think about a battle between “good and evil”… No, just let me leave this world with the unassuming, languorous and aristocratic tones of Debussy’s gorgeous ‘Faun’

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